face your heart

'You see, we always have a choice. Even when things seem completely ruined, even when they are ruined, we still have a choice. To lie under those ruins, or make a castle out of them.'

This note is about the simplicity of our hearts and the way we can, and will get through difficulties. 

So, ruins. When things fall apart, when our heart breaks, when troubles keep us awake. 
When your heart is in so much pain, that life and smile and joy sound ridiculous and out of reach. 
My friend, I want to tell you that I have been in that exact place for a long while 5 years ago.
Why write this message now?
Well, because now I grew up to do so. 
Not because from then on my life was trouble free, but because I have gone through so many more and often, more difficult issues, that I have learned to deal with them, get over them in a slow, healthy way and guard my heart while moving on.

Some people say that you just gotta get over things, quickly, drastically, bury all the hurt in order to move on.
I disagree. 
You have to DEAL with hurt before you can either invest into someone else's life, or allow them to invest into yours. Burying hurt will take process in touching to the core of your heart, and in result you will become unforgiving, bitter and simply, destroyed. Even as a Christian, if you are one, you can get to this point. 
This note applies to all of us. I am not writing about one particular kind of hurt. 
Let me put some logic in here.
Let's say someone hurts you really bad by lying to you. You have 3 exits:
1. Not forgive the person and never really move on 
2. Forgive the person but not forgive yourself that you've 'allowed this to happen', which will soon produce bitterness, distrust and not being able to start over with a light heart
3. Forgive the person, forgive yourself, close the doors behind you, move on, have hope for the future, which would lead to a soon healed heart, joy, hope and confidence that even tho you will get hurt again in one way or another, your heart will not grow into bitterness. 

This is how you build castle out of ruins. 
This is how you get over pain.

Call it by name. 

Write down all that hurts you. 
Do not pretend you are okay if you find yourself hurting. Be truth to yourself because you are the only person you're stuck with 24/7. (except for God, but I'm talking someone with you physically). 
I will tell you out of experience that 'being tough' is not the way to protect your heart. Being mean to others is hurting you more than them. Being bitter cuts your heart open each time you choose that negative attitude. Speaking words of death kills you. 

We people are petrified of waiting, of time. Even tho we have NO control over it, we stress, we rush, we run.
We are afraid that if we stop for a moment, if we'd give ourselves time to properly recover from hurts, we're gonna miss on new opportunities.
Hear me now: whatever opportunities you see while you should be recovering, that you take on, will destroy you even more, even if they are good. 
If you break your leg, you can't put a super glue on it and carry on walking.
Same with your heart.
Stop rushing.
Stop fearing that you will never be able to trust again because you WON'T, if you choose to force your heart into another opportunity to crush it into more pieces. 
What meal tastes better? The one from a fast food, or the one slow cooked at home? 
Think about this. 
The root of your heart is the source of your life. 
Everything comes from it.
What will your life consist of if right now all you fill it with is the trash of avoided pain?
You could say it's because dealing with it would hurt all over again, but I tell you now and you better believe me, it will hurt way more 20 years from now when you will finally blow up from the amount of hurt that your heart consists of, with your whole life in ruins, you finding yourself depressed.

'You see, we always have a choice. Even when things seem completely ruined, even when they are ruined, we still have a choice. To lie under those ruins, or make a castle out of them.'

My conclusion is this: you can either use your hurts to harden your heart so you would finally never be able to be free, or you can use those hurts to learn your lesson, forgive the people who caused you pain, and grow into happiness of a healthy protected heart that won't allow itself to be under destructible influences.  

Please, take your time. Respect your heart, because you are the person who should care about it. 
This means that you owe yourself to close some doors, leave some people who are only busy with hurting you, FORGIVE them AND yourself. 
Read Proverbs. 

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best. Your barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over. But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline; don't sulk under his loving correction. It's the child he loves that God corrects; a father's delight is behind all this. (Proverbs 3:5-12 MSG)